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Products and services. Forgiveness: Letting go of grudges and bitterness When someone you care about hurts you, you can hold on to anger, resentment and thoughts of revenge — or embrace forgiveness and move forward.
By Mayo Clinic Staff. Thank you for Subscribing Our Housecall e-newsletter will keep you up-to-date on the latest health information. And why are those expectations unmet? Because it's likely they haven't been communicated. When we're rushed, and under stress, it's easy to default to what we know best: how we think, what we want, and how we would handle things. We make assumptions, especially with colleagues with whom we've worked for a while, believing that everyone knows what our expectations are, even if we haven't formally announced them.
When leading others, be upfront about your expectations. And if they fall short, position the discrepancy in a non-threatening way that will help both parties understand how to proceed and right the situation. Likewise, concede that you don't know what others—your colleagues, clients, or boss—want or expect, and it's not about you.
Instead of guessing, employ your soft skills. Practice empathy to see things from their perspective. Ask probing question and then listen , giving others your full and undivided attention. Use your awareness to connect and better communicate with those in your workplace. If you are tempted to dwell on an offense, remind yourself what you are doing to your body when you run the scenario in your mind again.
You have more control than you think and can leave behind the victim mentality when you realize you have the tools to process and let go of your bitterness. Allow yourself to feel the pain. Research in integrative medicine shows that avoiding negative emotions is detrimental to the immune system. Establish good boundaries. Realize unforgiveness increases your pain.
In mindfulness practice, Buttimer use an arrow analogy to explain grudges. We can pile these negative emotions on ourselves and make them much worse by holding onto resentment.
Machin , a clinical psychologist in Raleigh, N. We can feel disempowered after someone wrongs us, even if they do so unintentionally or without malice. Fran Walfish , a family and relationship psychotherapist and author based in Beverly Hills, California. Taking a counter-intuitive approach can be done, though, and may be in your best interest. According to Manchin, holding onto a grudge can contribute to falling into negative thought spirals. This does not help you shift out of this cycle and instead, can contribute to compressing your current emotions.
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